Among other things, I've apparently become the keeper of random-ass statements by Torr, and I thought I would post them up for your edification.

"Was Ghandi evil when he slew Grendel and sailed around the world in a hot air balloon?!"

"If she were more open, her colon button might be more responsive!"

"Don't ever let a cat rape you. They have barbed penises that destroy the vagine from the inside."

Trylstrian: Would you like to touch my bunyon?
Ainsly: Touch your what?
Trylstrian: BUN YUN.
Trylstrian: Write that down.
You say, "It's not worthy"

There was something else about the LOLcat Bible being the peanut butter of the soul, but I failed to write that one down. Tooorrrrr, help!

Look, it goes pale >>
And this one bounces>>

Uhtred comes away with a fetus impaled on his cock and raises a brow. "What's this?" he asks before shrugging and leaning down to eat it like a 'kabob.

Torr: Mmmmn. I stroke my brain cock with pleasure at your word things.
Me: Oooo, sexy words *grins* My word things?
Torr: Yes! Those things. They are words. Thus they are word things.

(02:53) Uhtred Valenti: It is a common and irrefutable fact that Americans look at Canadians and go... "GAH, we could so own you."
(02:53) You say, "But they don't"
(02:53) You say, "SO PFFT"
(02:53) Uhtred Valenti: You know why?
(02:53) Uhtred Valenti: William Shatner.
(02:53) Uhtred Valenti: As soon as he dies...
(02:53) Uhtred Valenti: ...your asses are OUR'S.

Uhtred Valenti: TO BE CONTINUED...
Uhtred Valenti: ...Next time, on Nharati Kingdom:
Uhtred Valenti: Garnett: "OH MY GOD HEARTZ."
Uhtred Valenti: "Uhtred: "..."
Uhtred Valenti: "Uhtred: "Why are you LOOKING at me like that?"
Uhtred Valenti: Nefertise: "OH MY GOD MY TACO IS MOLDING.
Uhtred Valenti: Tune in next time.

Uhtred Valenti: Aw, come on, Danele. Have some brains with me!

----

Garnett pins him down and castrates him and runs around dancing with the stolen cock!
Uhtred Valenti sighs, attaches his spare, grumbles about the itchy velcro.

-----

Uhtred Valenti's penis is dangerously cheeeeesy.

Uhtred Valenti: Hentai tentacle rape quote of the year: "Here's your HOTDOG, MA'AM!"

Spectrekill says:
*Wriggles jawbone.* That's not what my mommy says.
Spectrekill says:
My mommy always says
Spectrekill says:
"HEY. LET GO OF THOSE PANTY HOSE, YOU WANNA STRANGLE THAT CAT TO DEATH?"

Uhtred Valenti: [Wow, I'm sorry. I just had to take a shower, so I figured it'd be five minutes, but then it was nice and warm, so I stuck around for ten, and then I thought about all the Nero Hero groupies, and so I started masturbating in terror for fifteen, and then I drank a beer in there for twenty...]

Uhtred Valenti smiled adoringly at his wife, though wrinkled his nose at the term 'moon flow.' That was more for the fact that the armies had far less gracious terms for it... such as 'loin paint,' and 'seasonal flooding.'

Uhtred Valenti thus pampered the horse, making sure that there were no burrs in his hair, polishing the dirt away from his powerful legs, and fellating him until his mouth was crammed so full of horse semen that it shot out of his nose.]

Uhtred Valenti: Bloodthirsty? Naaaaw. I just want to see flesh deteriorate because of a BUG STING.
Uhtred Valenti: Is that so wrong?

Uhtred Valenti: [Abruptly a smirk swept over his face, and he found himself saying "And boom goes the dynamite!" without having any idea as to what dynamite was.]

(You can guess the context of THAT)

Danele Valenti makes an alt to dominate Ys.
Trylstrian thinks you have me confused with Jesus.

--------

Colletta Bodelle plays with her cam...>.>
You say, "That's not work, Valie "
Colletta Bodelle: It is with the pictures I take
Uhtred Valenti: It's awfully hard to fellate a goat and push the printscreen button at the same time!

And for the record...I wasn't playing with a goat. I was taking smexy pics! D:

Spectrekill says (10:28 PM):
I'll give you a hint.
Spectrekill says (10:28 PM):
IT'S SEMEN.

Torr: But what about Michael?
Lottie: Nope.
Torr: Nope what?
Lottie: That's not a name I shall loathe....unless you give me reason to.
Syn:He's a child molester... Loathe away.
Torr: ...
Torr: Michael Jordan.
Torr: Not Jackson.
Syn: Still a michael name
Lottie: True.
Torr: He can't molest children.
Lottie: She did get you there.
Torr: He's too old now.
Torr: And all of his cumshots are free-throws.
Torr:So it's really more like a child driveby.
Lottie: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Syn:*facepalms*
Torr:
Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooo*splat*ooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm!